Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Community Safety Bullying Workplace Bullying Covert Bullying "Rumors in the Workplace Managing and Preventing Them" "Rumors. If you haven't been a victim of one, you may have participated in one" Mind Tools #rumours #rumourspread #gossip #fearofcrime #cyberbullying




Rumors. If you haven't been a victim of one, you may have participated in one.

At work, however, this type of interaction is harmful and costly. It wastes time, damages reputations, promotes divisiveness, creates anxiety, and destroys morale.
Knowledge is power, and that's why the people with the least amount of power in an organization can often be the ones to start and spread rumors. It can make them feel important if they're seen to know things that others don't.


Let people know that rumors are unacceptable – Establish a policy for dealing with rumors and gossip. Outline what you'll do to prevent rumors from starting, and address how you'll deal with the people who engage in this behavior. Talk about the effects of rumors in the workplace. The more that people understand why the behavior is damaging, the more likely they'll be to monitor their own participation.


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Rumors in the Workplace

Managing and Preventing Them


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Rumors. If you haven't been a victim of one, you may have participated in one.
The whispers when a colleague is fired. The looks of understanding when two co-workers routinely "stay late to catch up on paperwork" on the same evening. The emails back and forth guessing at which department will suffer the largest budget cuts.
It's difficult not to become involved in gossip at work. After all, people like gossip and interesting bits of information: you only have to look at the number of celebrity-focused publications to realize that we have a huge appetite for discussing other people's lives. At work, however, this type of interaction is harmful and costly. It wastes time, damages reputations, promotes divisiveness, creates anxiety, and destroys morale.
So why do people start and spread rumors? Much of it has to do with our need to make sense of what's happening around us. To understand what's going on, people talk to one-another. And, together, they fill in the holes in the story with a little bit of fact – and a lot of guesswork. This new story spreads, with bits and pieces added along the way, until you have an out-of-control rumor spreading throughout your company.

Why Rumors Start

Rumors often grow because people like to be "in the know." Knowledge is power, and that's why the people with the least amount of power in an organization can often be the ones to start and spread rumors. It can make them feel important if they're seen to know things that others don't.

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This knowledge is at the center of why and how rumors start and spread. Insufficient knowledge or incomplete information are often to blame. Consider these examples:
  • People don't know why a colleague was fired, so they make up a reason based on some limited knowledge or insignificant fact. "I saw John override the cash register the other day without a supervisor present. Maybe he stole some money and that's why he went."
  • People see a pattern of behavior between two individuals and they add their own explanation. "Joseph and Samantha spend a lot of time together after hours ‘catching up on paperwork.' And just yesterday, they were sitting awfully close to each other in the meeting. I bet paperwork isn't all that's getting done after quitting time!"
  • People know that budget meetings are being held, and they're all behind closed doors and kept very quiet. To help these people deal with the stress, they try to gain some control and predict the outcome. "When Steve came out of the budget meeting today, he looked really angry. The other day, he said how nervous he was about his presentation to the board. I bet he made mistakes and had his budget cut."

    Note:

    Some rumors, like the one in the second example, take on a more personal tone. These are generally what we think of as gossip. Gossip tends to be related to interpersonal relationships, and is often malicious in nature. It can get out of control quickly, and should be addressed promptly – before it leads to harassment or bullying .
These rumors are typical of the things you'll face at work, and they spread because of a lack of accurate information. So, the best way to fight rumors is with good communication. When you communicate well, your team knows what's happening, and they trust that you'll keep them informed. Good communication within your team also means that you will become aware of any rumors that are starting, and you'll be able to address them quickly and effectively.
Dealing with rumors requires a two-pronged attack. Firstly, you need to set up an environment where rumors are not as likely to start. And secondly, you need to establish a pattern of open communication that allows you to remain aware of what's being said.

Preventing Rumors

  • Keep workers informed – When workers know what's going on within an organization, they don't need to guess as much. Use newsletters, weekly meetings, or regular updates via the intranet to let people know what's happening.
  • Communicate – When you face adversity in your business, keep the lines of communication open. This is when distrust and stress are likely to be highest. Whether it's communicating during a crisis dealing with a shrinking team , or managing during a downturn , it's fundamentally important to communicate clearly.
  • Be open and honest – When you can't reveal all of the information about a certain situation or event, be up front about it. People know when they aren't being told the whole story. Cut off the rumors from the start by explaining that you'll provide more information after you have all the details.
  • Establish transparency within your systems – Develop a promotion process that's clear and fair. Hold meetings behind closed doors only when absolutely necessary. Share industry reports and company performance data. The more people understand, the more they trust.
  • Practice Management By Wandering Around  – The closer you are to your team and to other workers, the easier it is to communicate information and the greater the sense of trust. This also gives you an opportunity to hear rumors when they start, instead of only after they're out of control.
  • Let people know that rumors are unacceptable – Establish a policy for dealing with rumors and gossip. Outline what you'll do to prevent rumors from starting, and address how you'll deal with the people who engage in this behavior. Talk about the effects of rumors in the workplace. The more that people understand why the behavior is damaging, the more likely they'll be to monitor their own participation.
  • Build a culture that promotes cooperation rather than competition – Putting people in direct competition with one another for reward and recognition creates an opportunity for conflict and resentment. This lays a foundation of distrust between people and departments, and it allows rumors to start and grow. It's a good idea to monitor the level of competitiveness within your organization on a regular basis, and then make adjustments as necessary.

Managing Rumors

  • Deal with rumors immediately – Rumors can spread quickly, and they can often change and grow far beyond the small bit of truth that caused them to start. When you hear of a rumor, talk to the people involved. Where appropriate, hold a meeting to address the rumor, and then communicate the truth. Again, if you can't provide all of the details, be honest – and restate your policy about rumor and gossip in the workplace.
  • Set a good example – When someone comes to you with an "interesting" or entertaining story, refuse to get involved. When you hear a story from someone other than a direct source, ask questions. Do what you can to find out the truth. Talk to your boss about what you heard. Again, this keeps the lines of communication open between different channels, and it helps stop rumors.
  • Watch for patterns with rumors – If a certain type of rumor continues to spread, this may mean that you need to provide more information or more regular updates. If a particular person seems to start or spread rumors often, address the situation directly. Rumors affect productivity, so you must deal with them directly as a performance issue.
  • Regularly audit your rumor behavior – Also, encourage your team to do the same. Think about what you might have done over the past month or two to spread rumors. Ask yourself why you participated. Prepare a plan of action so that you'll be less tempted to get involved in the future. If everyone holds themselves a bit more accountable for rumors in the workplace, their frequency – and their negative consequences – will drop.

Key Points

Rumors at work aren't likely to disappear. It's human nature to want to know what's happening around us, and when people don't have complete information, they may fill in the gaps with suppositions that may not be accurate. Fortunately, a little bit of accurate information goes a long way to stop the need to spread rumors.
Focus on open, honest, and regular communication. It's also important to build a culture of mutual respect and integrity. Rumors are spread by people, so you can stop rumors at the source by talking about the negative effects of rumors and gossip, and by outlining your expectations. You probably won't ever stop rumors completely, however, you can use these strategies to create more harmony and trust within your work team.



Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Community Safety Gender Equality educate girls on being equally accountable for their behaviour #IWD #IWD2017 #educateagirlchangetheworld



If you really want to change the world
educate girls on being equally accountable for their behaviour 
and that rumour spread bullying or physical violence IS WRONG!

Pete Dowe


#IWD #IWD2017 #educateagirlchangetheworld


Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Community Safety #IWD #IWD2017 #GenderEquality International Law-abiding Aussie Sheilah Day Respect HER! (and thank your lucky stars!)


                                                                       
I would prefer International Law-abiding Aussie Sheilah Day


Nothin wrong with the law abiding Aussie sheilah

Respect HER! (and thank your lucky stars!)


Pete Dowe 

#IWD #IWD2017

Friday, 3 March 2017

Community Safety Rumour Spread Cyberbullying Covert Bullying Mobbing Defamation of Character: The Road to Emotional Meltdown Nicholas Carroll Huffington Post March 22nd 2016



"No, defamation is not just idle gossip - it ruins people’s lives.
And where there is no crime, no alibi is possible.

Where does defamation happen? Anywhere. There are hot spots, like homeowners associations (HOAs), K-12 schools, churches, and small business. (It happens less often in places like higher education or Fortune 500s, where - in fear of HR departments - slanderers usually resort to “damning by faint praise.”)


To compare reality and defamation, which one is more traumatic . . . to accidentally run over your neighbor’s dog and kill it, or be falsely accused of running over your neighbor’s dog? After 14 years of speaking to defamation victims, that’s a no-brainer: being falsely accused is far more traumatic. Killing a neighbor’s pet will distress any normal person, and they will occasionally think about it even years later. On the other hand, the normal human will immediately call the dog’s owner, or take the dog to a pet clinic themselves, and history will read “. . . it really broke them up . . . they drove the dog to a clinic, but it was too late.”


Being falsely accused of it can become a running psychic sore, a daily source of stress every time you get a cold look from a neighbor, or the “Oh, you’re the one who . . .” look from someone you just met. When the story is fictitious, there’s no record of you driving the dog to the hospital, because the accident never happened. And where there is no crime, no alibi is possible"
Nichols Carroll

Defamation of Character: The Road to Emotional Meltdown
 03/22/2016 03:38 pm ET | Updated Mar 22, 2016
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Nicholas Carroll Author, writer and expert witness on defamation
For two years after the publication of Fighting Slander, I thought that my readers were unhinged. I received deranged emails that looked like ransom letters from a 1950s movie - CAPITAL LETTERS and bad grammar, most starting or ending with “HELP!” I cautiously started talking to these people, and soon learned that the great majority had been perfectly normal humans a few years before. Loose lips or poison pens had pushed them over the brink to abnormal behavior.
How abnormal? A rare few victims of defamation deal with it rationally - very optimistically, perhaps 5% of them. More become obsessed. And far too many become their own destroyers, by protesting their innocence to everyone they meet - including people who never would have heard about it anyway.
Dealing with defamation rationally is the exception because defamation is rarely rational. It is perpetrated not only by clinical psychopaths and semi-functional sociopaths, but apparently normal people who have too much time on their hands, best summed up by philosopher Eric Hoffer, “People mind other people’s affairs when their own affairs are not worth minding.”
Where does defamation happen? Anywhere. There are hot spots, like homeowners associations (HOAs), K-12 schools, churches, and small business. (It happens less often in places like higher education or Fortune 500s, where - in fear of HR departments - slanderers usually resort to “damning by faint praise.”)
Stopping defamation in its tracks is often impossible. Attributed to everyone from Mark Twain to Winston Churchill, “A lie can be halfway around the world before the truth can put on its pants.” There’s an excitement, a titillation, in spreading defamation - soap operas and reality shows can’t compare, and otherwise decent people join in spreading the defamation with enthusiasm. They are not necessarily acting in malice - just happy to gab about something or anything.
Surely it can be shrugged off with clear thinking and some deep breathing, or a couple of visits to a therapist? No, it can’t. I remember a surgeon who left the practice of medicine and worked as a bicycle mechanic for two years, feeling more confidence - and sanity - in using a wrench than a scalpel. His story was only unusual in that he found a practical therapy - and could afford to work in a bike shop for two years. He was one of hundreds I’ve spoken to. Other readers retire completely from their profession, or move across the U.S. to escape the defamation. (I never hear from the teenagers who commit suicide - they don’t sue, their families don’t act soon enough, and like you, I read about it after the tragedy.)
But as an expert witness and litigation consultant, the medical reports from adults march across my desk, with psychiatrists’ documentation of client anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal impulses. A cynic might shrug these off as “paid-for” medical reports, but the emergency room reports are much harder to dismiss, with diagnoses of temporary amnesia and panic attacks. I don’t think ERs are taking the time to “paper the file.”
To compare reality and defamation, which one is more traumatic . . . to accidentally run over your neighbor’s dog and kill it, or be falsely accused of running over your neighbor’s dog? After 14 years of speaking to defamation victims, that’s a no-brainer: being falsely accused is far more traumatic. Killing a neighbor’s pet will distress any normal person, and they will occasionally think about it even years later. On the other hand, the normal human will immediately call the dog’s owner, or take the dog to a pet clinic themselves, and history will read “. . . it really broke them up . . . they drove the dog to a clinic, but it was too late.”
Being falsely accused of it can become a running psychic sore, a daily source of stress every time you get a cold look from a neighbor, or the “Oh, you’re the one who . . .” look from someone you just met. When the story is fictitious, there’s no record of you driving the dog to the hospital, because the accident never happened. And where there is no crime, no alibi is possible.
Online defamation gets most of the media coverage, flowing from the ill-conceived Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which gives far too much license to blogs and social media - without the responsibilities imposed on mainstream media. Online defamation is both real and pandemic, as exemplified at its most horrific by widely-publicized teenage suicides.
When piled on top of traditional means of defamation as by mouth or email, social media moves slander and libel from pandemic toward epidemic. New laws are needed - because while I’m no fan of more laws, the fact is that decades of U.S. Supreme Court decisions don’t address the epidemic. Their decisions are largely about major media libel, and don’t apply well to individual situations.
While we wait for sane legislation, what are the practical solutions? They are few, and drastic. In my observation the best ones are to move to a new life, changing job, profession, or school - or moving to another town.
Legal solutions? They were once too expensive. But jury awards have been rising steadily over the last decade, not just for financial harms (lost wages or customers), but for emotional distress, as in this case against a doctor in Washington DC, where the emotional distress claim alone got the victim a $500,000 judgment.
As we wait for realistic legislation that may never written, and Supreme Court decisions that never come, it may be up to we, the people, to lower the bar of character defamation by filing a few more lawsuits - admittedly further clogging the courts, but at least building a growing body of “case law” (court decisions that become legal precedents) that delivers the message:
No, defamation is not just idle gossip - it ruins people’s lives.
Nicholas Carroll is the author of Fighting Slander, now in 4th Edition.
Follow Nicholas Carroll on Twitter: www.twitter.com/WriterNicholas
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Thursday, 23 February 2017

Community Safety Cyberbullying Hyper Vigilantism Child Protection Stranger Danger is a Fallacy A Pediatrician Just Laid Out How to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse—And She’s Begging You to Listen Jenny Rapson For Every Mom


5. “Stranger danger” is a fallacy.

The vast majority of the time someone who molests a child is known to the family. Beware of so-called “grooming behaviors”. This is usually from an adult male (or female) who ingratiates themselves to the child and family to lower their defenses. Usually they will try to establish a trusting relationship with the family and seek opportunities to be alone with kids. They do this so that any accusations from the child will seem made up. This has happened in almost every situation I have seen.





A Pediatrician Just Laid Out How to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse—And She’s Begging You to Listen

This pediatrician just laid out when, where, and by whom our kids are most likely to suffer sexual abuse, and gave us all the tools to prevent it.

sad-little-girl-121916
Recently, a good friend of mine shared a Facebook post by one of her friends, who happens to be a pediatrician. The post was on something that should be of interest to ALL parents: child sexual abuse; specifically, when it happens, where it happens, and WHO victimizes our kids and how to talk to your kids about it and PREVENT it.
I was immediately moved by the excellence of this information and asked if I could re-publish it here. The author, Dr. Tobi Adeyeye Amosun, replied: PLEASE republish this. Her invaluable post is below, and I urge you moms and dads: take it to heart. Follow the good doctor’s advice and talk with your kids, too.
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Without going into graphic details, I probably get about 1-2 kids a month in my office who have been sexually abused or molested. I will address each of the things that I mentioned above in light of the most common scenarios I’ve seen.

1. The location of an incident [of sexual abuse] is likely to be at a place where you are familiar.

Places where I’ve heard of this happening: known family members and friends are far and away the most common. Perpetrators ages ranging from young teens to adults. It is almost always a male cousin, known neighbor, friend’s older brother/cousin, babysitter, father/stepfather, uncle or mom’s boyfriend. Occasionally it is a female, but that’s rare unless she is grooming the kids to have access to someone else. Church youth group is the number two location, usually because there is less supervision. School, camp and sports are the other locations, but less likely unless there are kids allowed to be alone with teachers and coaches. Ask the schools and coaches and churches what their safety plans are to protect kids. It’s never perfect, but I feel at least they know there are aware parents and it helps keep everyone accountable.

2. Slumber parties: I wanted to address this separately because of it being a sensitive subject.

My daughter is allowed to go to a select few friends’ homes (like five families) for sleepovers. Never parents that I don’t know extremely well, which means she doesn’t get to sleep over at school friends’ homes. Never large groups of kids, where one kid being separated might not be noticed. That said, I can’t tell you how many times patients tell me the first time they were touched inappropriately or the first time they saw pornography was during a sleepover. I only get one chance to raise my kids and I’d rather be a mean parent who is no fun than have the other possibility.

3. Please use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts.

Eyes are eyes, knees are knees and penises are penises (proceed with the pearl clutching). Don’t use cutesy names or vague names like booty or wee wee or cookie or treasure. It confuses the matter in case something needs to be reported. It also destigmatizes those body parts.

4. “Safe touch” vs. “bad touch”: make sure kids know which is which.

Safe touches I usually teach are the ones that are in areas not covered by your bathing suit, like shoulders, head and feet. Safe touches are also those that make you feel calm and safe, like a hug from your mom. Bad touches are those in the areas that are covered up by underwear. They are also the ones that make you feel nervous, scared or worried. If a bigger person is touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, that is a bad touch. Always tell your parents or other adult about bad touches. And let kids know there should never be secrets between kids and adults and that they will NEVER get in trouble for telling someone.

5. “Stranger danger” is a fallacy.

The vast majority of the time someone who molests a child is known to the family. Beware of so-called “grooming behaviors”. This is usually from an adult male (or female) who ingratiates themselves to the child and family to lower their defenses. Usually they will try to establish a trusting relationship with the family and seek opportunities to be alone with kids. They do this so that any accusations from the child will seem made up. This has happened in almost every situation I have seen.

6. Be aware of what kids are looking at on smartphones and tablets.

Especially from their friends whose parents may not monitor things so closely. I usually tell parents at every preteen and above well check that as long as they are paying for the phone and the kid is under 18, it is their responsibility to monitor their child’s activities in social media, texting, etc. There are so many really clever ways for kids to hide their activity online and parents are almost always behind the 8 ball on this.

7. Most importantly, trust your gut.

If someone seems a little off or a little too nice to your kids, trust yourself and keep your kids out of any situations where they would be alone with that person. We have all been in situations where you just want to be polite, even when someone is giving you the heebie jeebies. There is a great book called “The Gift of Fear” that talks about people forgetting to trust their intuition in potentially dangerous situations and why there are times when you need to listen to that spirit of discernment.
I don’t lock my kids up and throw away the key, as much as I would love to protect them forever. But these are hopefully some practical tips as a mom and pediatrician to make your kids feel safe and to highlight some potentially dangerous situations. By the way, we start this conversation around 3 or 4 years old in our house.
***
Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Amosun, for sharing this priceless insight with us!

Read this next: How Even Good Parents Miss the Signs of Child Sexual Abuse
Why I Won’t Let My Kids Do Sleepovers

Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and the editor of For Every Mom. You can email her at jrapson@outreach.com, or follow her on Twitter.


http://foreverymom.com/family-parenting/pediatrician-says-how-to-protect-your-child-from-sexual-abuse/

Friday, 17 February 2017

Community Safety #femaleaggression #stabbing Woman to face court after she allegedly stabbed her Male neighbour in Bondi Beach, Sydney Daily Telegraph November 24, 2016 #violenceagainstmenbywomen #genderequality


#stabbing #femaleaggression #neighbour #bondi #genderequality #violenceagainstmenbywomen



Woman to face court after she allegedly stabbed her neighbour in Bondi Beach

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Melissa Mitchell, Wentworth Courier

November 24, 2016 9:01am

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A woman who allegedly stabbed her neighbour in the back at a Bondi unit block last night will face Waverley Court today.

The woman, 51, was held in custody overnight after she was charged with two offences arising from the incident, which happened in a unit block on Bondi Rd about 8.30pm.

Police arrived at the scene to find the woman’s neighbour, 47, suffering a stab wound to his back. The man was taken to hospital for treatment and is in a stable condition.

The woman was found in a unit nearby and was taken to Waverley Police Station where she was charged with special aggravated break and enter and commit a serious indictable offence.

She is expected to face Waverley Court this morning.

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Thursday, 16 February 2017

Community Safety Female Aggression Gender Equality Toxic Femininity — A Male Perspective ED BRODOW The Daily Caller 02/13/2017 “Sentimental insistence on female innocence,” suggests The New York Times, “does no service to women, who should be treated as human beings with a capacity for aggression and held equally accountable for their actions"


#genderequality  What is toxic femininity? Does our typical female bear the burden of undesirable character traits? “Sentimental insistence on female innocence,” suggests The New York Times, “does no service to women, who should be treated as human beings with a capacity for aggression and held equally accountable for their actions.” Here are ten characteristics of toxic femininity:

1. Male-directed anger and paranoia: Many contemporary women actively dislike the male of the species. Ask the average man. He will tell you that a lot of women are just plain angry at men. They love to hold men accountable for all women’s problems. If a hurtful motivation can be attributed to men, women will go for it. Some are angry because they have convinced themselves that men perceive women strictly as sex objects. For many, feminism is synonymous with demonization of men.

2. Transference neurosis: This is an unconscious defense mechanism where a woman’s feelings and attitudes originally associated with male authority figures earlier in her life are attributed or redirected to others in the present. A good example is the unreasonable hatred many women have for President Trump. The transference takes place when Trump—the ultimate male authority figure—is substituted for the bad father, husband, boyfriend, etc. “Angry woman syndrome” is another label given to this condition, where a woman’s negative past experiences create obstacles to current relationships.


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3. Gender manipulation: Women have become adept at passive-aggressive “bitchy” behavior and hidden agendas used to manipulate men. “Men’s brains are designed to spend their time figuring out how to get objects in the environment to do their bidding,” says angryharry.com. “Women’s brains are designed to spend their time figuring out how to get men to do their bidding.” According to Fox News, female manipulation can manifest itself as “dressing sexy,” withholding sex and affection, and flirting with other men. Without blinking an eye, a woman may compromise her integrity for money and security, the ultimate form of gender manipulation.

4. Emotional detachment: It seems that women are less dependent on relationships than men. Many women are “unwilling or incapable to commit completely to a relationship,” says match.com. “The reasons for this can be quite complex, ranging from emotional trauma to a simple matter of priorities, where a woman is more focused on her career than a relationship.” According to The Telegraph, the number of female sociopaths is rising: “cruel, calculating and calm under pressure.”

5. Female victimization: Many women play the victim as a method of controlling men. The “damsel in distress” persona has created a sense of entitlement. “Poor me.” “I deserve to be taken care of.” “I gave you the best years of my life.” “Women are not paid the same as men.” “There is a war on women.”

6. The “superwoman” delusion: Thanks to the feminist movement, women have been saddled with the idea that “you can do it all.” You can have success at both family and career, with no exceptions. This is a huge burden. Heaven help the woman who is satisfied to be a housewife.

7. Female self-hatred: Most women are depressed by what they see in the mirror. They hate themselves for not living up to impossible standards of physical beauty. This “self-loathing” in women can lead to depression, suicidal feelings, and related eating disorders such as obesity, bulimia, and anorexia.

8. Avoidance of accountability: It has become socially acceptable for women to deny responsibility for their actions. In the movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson explains his success at writing fictional women characters. “I think of a man,” he says, “and then I take away reason and accountability.”

9. Vicious competition with other women: “Women compete, compare, undermine and undercut one another,” says The New York Times. “Feeling on guard around other ladies is normal for a lot of women.” Evolution has made women wary of their sisters as they compete for male attention or in the workplace. “A host of studies in recent years have shown convincingly that the traditional view of women as passive and uncompetitive is wrong,” says Psychology Today. “Women, it turns out, are engaged in a competition of their own, aggressively jockeying for position in a battle to secure a suitable mate.”

10. Female martyr syndrome: We are witnessing many examples of individual women pretending to speak for all women when they are only expressing their own opinion. Recent examples in the news are Gloria Steinem, Madeleine Albright, Ashley Judd, and Madonna. The irony is that these women typically lead privileged lifestyles and so have difficulty relating to “average” women.

OPINION
An activist of the Ukrainian feminist  group FEMEN stands on a fence during a protest at the 43rd Annual Meeting of the World Economic Forum, WEF, in Davos, Switzerland, Saturday, Jan. 26, 2013.  (AP Photo/Keystone/Jean-Christophe Bott)
Toxic Femininity — A Male Perspective
Photo of Ed Brodow

3:02 PM 02/13/2017
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Branding men with undesirable character traits has turned into a popular sport. Men are considered by some—a vocal few, at least—to be competitive, aggressive, and violent, while women are thought of as passive and more inclined to collaboration. As an unrepentant male, I take umbrage at the increasing references to “toxic masculinity.” There are two reasons. First, I believe this is pure sexism driven by a small but angry cadre of power-hungry radical feminists. I can see no earthly reason that would require me to defend the values and behavior of my sex. Second, my basic sense of fairness resents the fact that men are often demonized while women get a free pass. If we are going to have a conversation about toxic masculinity, equal time should be devoted to “toxic femininity.”
What is toxic femininity? Does our typical female bear the burden of undesirable character traits? “Sentimental insistence on female innocence,” suggests The New York Times, “does no service to women, who should be treated as human beings with a capacity for aggression and held equally accountable for their actions.” Here are ten characteristics of toxic femininity:
1. Male-directed anger and paranoia: Many contemporary women actively dislike the male of the species. Ask the average man. He will tell you that a lot of women are just plain angry at men. They love to hold men accountable for all women’s problems. If a hurtful motivation can be attributed to men, women will go for it. Some are angry because they have convinced themselves that men perceive women strictly as sex objects. For many, feminism is synonymous with demonization of men.
2. Transference neurosis: This is an unconscious defense mechanism where a woman’s feelings and attitudes originally associated with male authority figures earlier in her life are attributed or redirected to others in the present. A good example is the unreasonable hatred many women have for President Trump. The transference takes place when Trump—the ultimate male authority figure—is substituted for the bad father, husband, boyfriend, etc. “Angry woman syndrome” is another label given to this condition, where a woman’s negative past experiences create obstacles to current relationships.

3. Gender manipulation: Women have become adept at passive-aggressive “bitchy” behavior and hidden agendas used to manipulate men. “Men’s brains are designed to spend their time figuring out how to get objects in the environment to do their bidding,” says angryharry.com. “Women’s brains are designed to spend their time figuring out how to get men to do their bidding.” According to Fox News, female manipulation can manifest itself as “dressing sexy,” withholding sex and affection, and flirting with other men. Without blinking an eye, a woman may compromise her integrity for money and security, the ultimate form of gender manipulation.
4. Emotional detachment: It seems that women are less dependent on relationships than men. Many women are “unwilling or incapable to commit completely to a relationship,” says match.com. “The reasons for this can be quite complex, ranging from emotional trauma to a simple matter of priorities, where a woman is more focused on her career than a relationship.” According to The Telegraph, the number of female sociopaths is rising: “cruel, calculating and calm under pressure.”
5. Female victimization: Many women play the victim as a method of controlling men. The “damsel in distress” persona has created a sense of entitlement. “Poor me.” “I deserve to be taken care of.” “I gave you the best years of my life.” “Women are not paid the same as men.” “There is a war on women.”
6. The “superwoman” delusion: Thanks to the feminist movement, women have been saddled with the idea that “you can do it all.” You can have success at both family and career, with no exceptions. This is a huge burden. Heaven help the woman who is satisfied to be a housewife.
7. Female self-hatred: Most women are depressed by what they see in the mirror. They hate themselves for not living up to impossible standards of physical beauty. This “self-loathing” in women can lead to depression, suicidal feelings, and related eating disorders such as obesity, bulimia, and anorexia.
8. Avoidance of accountability: It has become socially acceptable for women to deny responsibility for their actions. In the movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson explains his success at writing fictional women characters. “I think of a man,” he says, “and then I take away reason and accountability.”
9. Vicious competition with other women: “Women compete, compare, undermine and undercut one another,” says The New York Times. “Feeling on guard around other ladies is normal for a lot of women.” Evolution has made women wary of their sisters as they compete for male attention or in the workplace. “A host of studies in recent years have shown convincingly that the traditional view of women as passive and uncompetitive is wrong,” says Psychology Today. “Women, it turns out, are engaged in a competition of their own, aggressively jockeying for position in a battle to secure a suitable mate.”
10. Female martyr syndrome: We are witnessing many examples of individual women pretending to speak for all women when they are only expressing their own opinion. Recent examples in the news are Gloria Steinem, Madeleine Albright, Ashley Judd, and Madonna. The irony is that these women typically lead privileged lifestyles and so have difficulty relating to “average” women.
Colleges and universities are giving men a forum to examine their allegedly toxic behavior patterns. Fairness demands that we consider the following:
• Equivalent college courses giving women the opportunity to confront their toxic femininity.
• Hollywood films that describe how both sexes are suffering because of women’s gender-related shortcomings.
• More alternative life choices for women in order to relieve the intolerable pressure arising from the superwoman delusion.
• A provision in healthcare insurance for psychotherapy to help women overcome their transference neurosis.
If we can encourage women to spend more time looking inward, we may enjoy a reprieve from the anger that has characterized the women’s movement from its inception.
Ed Brodow is a negotiation expert, political commentator, and author of In Lies We Trust: How Politicians and the Media Are Deceiving the American Public.


Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2017/02/13/toxic-femininity-a-male-perspective/#ixzz4Yt8JdvH1

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